Welcome to Smash
by blacknymph34
Summary: He was originally looking for a normal job when he stumbled upon a cruddy-looking mansion and, by the blessing of some higher being, he was given a job! With crappy payment, but at least it was something. But then he realizes that his job isn't so normal after all... Chaos and mayhem included. R&R!
1. Last Resort

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Super Smash Bros. nor any Nintendo characters that I may have described or mentioned and I never, ever will.

**Additional comment: **Yes, this story is based on the view of an OC but you will be seeing _plenty_ of screen-time with your favorite Smash characters in later chapters, I assure you. All Smash Bros. characters from Melee to Brawl will be included, so go crazy over that notion. There _may _be character pairings, but definitely not with my OC.

**Another additional comment:** This is just an introduction so I apologize for its shortness. Later chapters will be much, much longer.

**Yet another additional comment: **Get reading, would ya?

**Chapter 1 - Last Resort**

It was raining heavily when he found himself standing in front of the mansion with empty pockets and a shoddy backpack slung over his shoulder. He was already drenched from head-to-toe with sweat from walking around town in the hot sun since the brink of dawn, and now the sky decided that it still wasn't done unleashing its fury on him. In addition, the reason he was out here walking around in the first place was because he needed money. He was fired from his last job due to a 'certain incident' that happened to his boss (it was definitely his fault regardless of how much he denied it) and he had looked all around town for whatever job was available. To his utter displeasure, no one was hiring. Not even for odd jobs. _What's with that?_

His last hope came in the form of a ridiculously large battered-down mansion sitting on the very edge of a cliff that threatened to collapse at any moment. The roof was caved in at the center and the overall building was lopsided. If it weren't for the two guards standing on either side of the equally ridiculous large door looking like a pair of men-in-black clones, he would have thought the place was deserted.

"Excuse me," he started, attempting to sound polite to the two burly men. "I was wondering if-"

"Beat it, kid," the man on his right answered without so much as a glance at him. "We don't need beggars hanging around these parts."

That was when he realized that he must have smelled pretty awful from all his sweating combined with the rain. His apparel was all worn out to boot as well. _Son of a_- now that he thought about it, he really _did_ look like a beggar! But he wasn't going to take that from some fancy dressed guardsman.

"I'm here for a job, damn it!" he spat.

"Well why didn't you just say so?!" the other man on his left suddenly burst out in glee. It was awkward for a big man to be prancing around and making hand gestures like a little girl in a tutu, but that was exactly what he was seeing at the moment. As much as he wanted to shout back a retort, he was too busy screwing his face into what was a combined look of total confusion and absolute terror.

Soon enough, he found himself being pulled past the entrance and down a maze of corridors by the two men; the more joyful of the pair babbling about how excited he was to have a new face to work next to. The other one retained his same blank face throughout the whole thing although he was probably _really_ annoyed with his partner.

It was when he was shoved into a chair in front of a desk, staring at what would be his boss, that his senses came back. His mouth hung wide open and his brows knitted furiously at each other at the sight of a giant floating disembodied glove.

"So, you wish to get a job here," it said matter-of-factly.

Good lord, it _talks_.

The glove continued to speak, despite the distant look on his face, that it was not responsible for any injuries caused by working there, nor for any nervous breakdowns or cause for lack of sanity while working in the facilities, several other crucial factors and about a contract that needed to be signed. But all he could think about was how freakin' big the glove was and how the heck it was talking. Did it even have vocal chords stored somewhere in its giant palm? It didn't even have a mouth piece. Heck, how did it even manage to get through the _door_ with that size?!

To make things even more weird, it wore a monocle on the tip of its index finger while the rest of its body was fit neatly into a black tuxedo; fingers and thumb exposed. He wondered if he should ask how it managed to fit that on by itself.

Then he was vaguely aware of the giant hand smacking him across the face before making him sign his name and signature at the bottom right corner of the contract paper.

"Pyro Rouviere," the glove read aloud as it held the contract up with his thumb and adjusted its monocle with its middle finger. "You will be working as maintenance making three dollars an hour and you are expected to start working tomorrow morning at 5 am to 8 pm. You will not be paid on holidays and your work will be monitored. Your lodging can be found in room B-47 at the UTI building. Dismissed!"

"What?" was all Pyro could say stupidly as he was yet again dragged out of the room and down the corridor by the same two guards from earlier.

He was absolutely certain that everyone here had been doped on drugs of some sort.


	2. What the Heck is a UTI Building?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Bros. nor any Nintendo characters that I may have described or mentioned and I never, ever will.**

****** Kalcony: Thanks for the review. Expect to be seeing Master Hand again later on. :) It definitely won't be the last!**

**Author's note: This was supposed to be a much longer chapter but I realized it could be split into several parts. So look forward to them and enjoy. :)**

* * *

**Chapter 2 - What the Heck is a UTI Building?**

_UTI building? What the heck was a UTI building? Was there a serious case of Urinary Tract Infection going around that they had to dedicate a building to it? This place wasn't even a medical hospital!_

Pyro scratched his head furiously as he racked his memory for the words that the giant hand told him. "UTI building...B-47..." he mumbled as he stared at the map in his hands that just about resembled the architectural skills of a 2-year-old. The only thing he could make out were the poorly written words of Smash Mansion, Battlefield, and bathroom. How the heck did anyone understand the rest of this thing anyway?

It also didn't help that the two guards he met at the entrance had completely abandoned him after throwing him into the middle of a courtyard. There was no roof in this part of the mansion and the hard rain once again beat down on him like slaps to his face. He tried to wipe his drenched vermilion hair out of his eyes but the effort was entirely useless. Why, oh _why,_ did the sky hate him so much?

All around him was a grove of trees and up ahead was a forked path that branched off into ten different roads. Between each division were sign posts; some containing numbers and others with foreign words. The only ones that he understood were Mushroom Kingdom and Dreamland and, to his dismay, neither suggested anything related to a UTI building.

"Are you lost?" asked the gentle voice of a woman from over his shoulder. Although her tone was pleasant, Pyro nearly slipped and hit his head on a low-hanging tree branch from getting the utter crap scared out of him.

"Who are you?!" he demanded as soon as he recuperated, jabbing a finger at the woman who held a pink umbrella above their heads.

A pair of large azure eyes met his fierce red ones. He couldn't help but to notice the delicate features of the woman's face: her angled chin, her petite pink lips, and the way her bright golden locks neatly parted at her bangs and lightly blushed cheeks. She wore large blue earrings the size of golf balls and atop her head sat a four-pronged crown with gems of sapphire and ruby embedded on each side. A pink balloon-shaped dress adorned her body, its details perfectly balancing the intricate designs of her crown, and she wore a pair of long white gloves that extended past her elbows and nearly reached her puff-balled shoulders. Pyro would be ashamed to call himself a man if he denied her beauty.

Regardless, he was still shocked to see someone else taking a stroll through the area while heaven spat out boulders. He wasn't sure how, but the woman's umbrella held up against the bombardment pretty darn well.

The woman appeared amused by his antics and she smiled at him warmly. "First time?" she asked with a soft giggle.

_Good lord, she's a stalker!_ Pyro thought, sheer horror gripping at his senses again. _I REGRET NOTHING!_

The woman grimaced slightly when she saw Pyro's rapidly paling face. "Dear, you don't look so well. Shall I take you to the infirmary?"

"No, thank you!" Pyro answered quickly, practically choking on whatever was left of his dwindling air supply.

She smiled brightly again. "I am Princess Peach, a pleasure to meet you. And you are the new employee, I presume?"

_A princess? What the heck is a princess doing in this crappy, horribly messed up mansion? Does she own it? Why haven't I been able to change my clothes yet?!_

Heaving a great sigh, Pyro gave up trying to comprehend the logic of this place before his brain exploded. Even if he did change his clothes, his backpack and everything inside it was already sopping wet from the rain. "Yes, I was recently hired," he grumbled. "I'm part of the maintenance crew."

Peach made a small 'o' with her mouth. "Maintenance crew? Oh, that's wonderful!" She clapped her small hands happily before she paused and tilted her head to the side. "Perhaps you came to fix the broken teleporter that keeps throwing people off the stages as they enter?"

Pyro made a weird face at that. "Lady, I don't know the first thing about this place."

"Don't you worry your cute little nose, my dear!" Peach squealed, pinching his nose between her fingers like a pair of pliers and with about equal force. "I will show you the way. Come!"

With a yank of his wrist, Pyro found himself being dragged along for the third time that evening.

* * *

_"Now_ where am I?" Pyro groaned as they entered yet another bizarre environment. He felt like he was walking through space and time with each door they passed through. Not too long ago he was walking outside the walls of a medieval castle, and then suddenly he was walking along the sidewalk of a normal neighborhood. Now he was in some weird space station.

Red lights flashed in the distance accompanied by a series of buzzes and beeps from several nearby computers. As they passed through an elevated glass tunnel, he peeked over the edge of the floor and saw a great pool of yellow lava flowing beneath them. This place was a whole new level of weird.

"This is Samus' training quarters," Peach explained delightedly, her graceful form bouncing effortlessly on the balls of her feet.

Pyro's eye twitched. "Training quarters? You can't be serious."

He jumped as a loud roar erupted from under his feet. Looking around, he beheld the sight of a gigantic three-eyed reptile emerging from the lava and his jaw nearly fell to the floor.

"Oh my, yes!" Peach continued, completely unfazed by the monster. "She is one of our fiercest fighters. Even I have a hard time battling against her."

Wait a minute. _Peach_ is a _fighter?!_ Never mind _battled_ against whatever crazed being it was that trained down here?! Was Peach even a real princess?!

One last look at the roaring reptile beneath him and he made a mental note to never cross paths with this Samus person/thing. Ever.

"Peach!" another voice cried out. As soon as Pyro peeked over the princess to see who was calling, he immediately wished he hadn't.

A huge alien of some sort was sprinting directly at them in various shades of yellow, red, and orange. Although humanoid in form, its body was a complicated design of metal plates that formed a busty torso and lithe limbs and gave it a robot-like appearance. A cannon-type gun replaced what should have been its right forearm and Pyro quickly found it being pointed at his face.

"Watch out! There's some kind of bug following you," the alien thing said to Peach as it aimed past her. A bright orb of light began to form at the end of its arm cannon—pulsating and growing with each second.

Pyro felt the color drain from his face. _I'm dead._

"Samus!" Peach giggled through a fit of giddiness despite the situation. "He is not a bug, he is a person! And he is the new maintenance crew employee."

_Samus?!_ Pyro figured he was dead already since he found himself facing a tunnel and the bright light awaiting him at the end of it. _Well, it was nice knowing me._

Suddenly Samus withdrew her weapon. "Oh," was all she said with a hint of disappointment. When she removed her helmet, Pyro felt a mental kick in the balls upon seeing that Samus wasn't actually some weird alien like he had first imagined but a gorgeous woman wearing full-bodied armor.

She tugged at her long blonde hair and allowed it to flow behind her with a light toss of her head; an exhausted sigh escaping her full lips as she squinted her blue eyes to adjust to the dimly lit room. Standing at her full height, Samus towered over Pyro by nearly half a foot.

"He got a name?" she demanded in a gruff tone as she gave the newcomer a hard look. By the way she glared at him, he could tell that this woman didn't take s*** from anyone.

"Yes! Or…I think so." Peach tapped at her lower lip thoughtfully before she clasped her hands together and gazed deeply into Pyro's eyes. "What is your name, sweetie?"

_Now you ask me._ "Pyro," he stated bluntly.

"Pyro?" the women repeated in unison.

"What kind of name is that?" Samus scoffed, looking down on him with disdain as if the name alone disgusted her.

Pyro glared at her through narrow eyes. "I apologize for the lack of a better name but it's the only one I've got," he spat venomously. Already he was disliking this woman and he was certain that she sure as heck didn't fancy him either.

"I think he is just the _cutest_ thing!" Peach squealed and Pyro quickly found his face turning blue and purple from the tight hug she gave him. After releasing him, she acted as if it never happened despite his audible gasping for breath. "I am escorting him to the teleporter room. Would you care to join us?" she offered to Samus with a bat of her eyelashes.

Samus shook her head. "I have better things to do," she said as she donned her helmet back on, "like training."

"Couldn't agree more," Pyro muttered more to himself than to anyone in particular.

Peach rolled her eyes. "You are always training. Come! Let's go for a walk." But before either Pyro or Samus could object, the princess had already linked her arms into theirs and was urging them along. "This will be such fun!" she sang as the other two engaged into mental combat through heated glares.

He just wanted this day to end.


End file.
